May Day

~ Do not speak ill of the Fae on the 1st of May~

The night have madness was a few nights ago and we have all struggled to rationalize and cope with the events for a couple days. Teddy met Joseph in the Garden for a chat that Sunday morning and then they both visited with Lucy in the stable.

It is the eve of May Day... Joseph is out all night roaming the surrounding countryside on foot with a lantern and a couple large bags. One bag is bribery for the cook of spring fiddleheads he foraged. The other bag filled with early spring daisies and other flowers, sprigs of greenery and pussy willow branches. The dining room will get decorated for May Day long before anyone but the cook is awake.
On each bedroom door, Joseph hangs a bouquet of flowers for the ladies or a bundle of greens for the gents. Those Young and eligible also get a corresponding wreath/crown. An offering of the same decor was left at the mines and on the door of the Lubscome Manor.

Teddy gets a knock upon his door at dawn on May Day, when he answers it, there is a trolly outside his door with a breakfast tray. A good old all American kind of breakfast. He sees Joseph trudge tiredly to his own room. Joseph will sleep the whole day away.

Have a wonderful May Day all of you in Lubscome!

Debt

So I don't forget it.

James Ashford had some bad dealings with bad people and it resulted in terrible debt.
Ewan Ashford ended up inheriting that terrible debt after James was killed.
Ewan had run the Ashford finances into the ground trying to settle that debt.
Vanessa Ashford has thus inherited the debt tied to the Ashford name.
Lady Blythegarden has apparently bought the debt!

April 30th, 1820

How romantic! Dr. 'Teddy' Forde worked to deal with the bad people associated with the bad debt. He also covered the cost of 1/3 of that debt. Apparently Lady Flemming plans to pay off another 1/3 of that debt.

I need to find out the sum. If I can, I think I will cover the remaining third. That way Vanessa is free of it and can be her own woman without that. It will also mean that she can choose who she wishes to marry without having to consider needing to marry for money to cover the debt.

NOTE: This has nothing to do with the title of Baron or the voted position of running the Barony.

I will plan to speak with Lady Blythegarden in the coming weeks.

I need to speak with Bradshaw to see if the house can be fixed, if there is money anywhere to put towards the repairs after the earthquake. I haven't spoke to his since that day he hugged me. No one has ever been that intimate. Now I feel so very ... awkward. I must set aside those feelings. He likely feels nothing in turn and I am being foolish. Vanessa will know the people here in the town and she should handle this on her own. Perhaps that is best. I have apparently meddled enough and am not really welcome to do so.

The Vials

Bedlam Night: April 28th, 1820

Encountered a creature in the mines who bit and poisoned Dickie. It was killed by Lucy and Dr. Forde. Dr. Forde and I worked to save Dickie's life. I collected a sample of the venom and made a rough but successful antidote. Then I collected three other samples from the creature.

VIAL # 1 - Venom
VIAL # 2 - Rough Anti-Venom
VIAL # 3 - Saliva from one of the snake heads
VIAL # 4 - Saliva from one of the rat heads
VIAL # 5 - Blood

Next Day Observation: April 29th, 1820

All vials look like a solid inert substance and are essentially useless for study.
Will engage in experimentation if post-madness conversations prove fruitless.
Glad I wrote my Will.

Bedlam!

My ride back from Derby took longer than expected. Rain. It seems to rain more often than not in England. I am at least relieved I managed to get my own accounts verified and released. Once I arrived in Chester, I stopped at the post to check if there was anything for me. Even though I somewhat have said that my parents are gone, it is not what I believe to be true. My father said to me as I boarded the boat that he would write as soon as it was safe to come home. My mother hoped I would come to understand my past. Did they not know that James Ashford and Richard Flemming were killed? My letter was to appeal to the generosity of the younger Baron Ewan. Maybe they already knew him to be good and kind. I understand why they did not send me to Richard Flemming. Lady Eleanor might have murdered me in my sleep... and then her husband. Except he is already dead. I posted my letter to my family. Including my disappointment in finding out the truth.

I am elder brother to Dickie Flemming. He is legitimate so he inherits Flemming Manor and the barony of Derby. Good thing Lady Flemming is managing it.

I have no idea how long I will be at Lubscombe. So, I had taken the opportunity to send away for medicines I do not have on hand that might be needed, more medical supplies (bandages and such), and some simple apothecary equipment so I might better make my own medicines. I had also send away for seeds and seedlings for a proper healing garden. Not like anyone is going to do anything with the garden at Lubscombe anyhow.

All that done, I came to Lubscombe to find little has changed. I took a trip back into down every couple days to check the post. With relief, all I had ordered arrived. With disappointment, there is no news from New England. I left a payment for news to be sent to me direct at Lubscombe when it dies finally arrive.

As the end of April comes to a close, Miss Vanessa came down very ill. It is likely due to all the stress. I made sure she was put to bed. Mrs. Hester is caring for her and ensuring bedding is cleaned regulary and that Vanessa eats and drinks to keep up her strength. She took a stressful turn for the worse near the time of the banquet. I was glad for the medicines I ordered. I gave her a dose of opium to calm her and help her sleep. Dr. Forde has been worrying for her and I am backing out slowly to let him take over as her doctor.

Banquet... and Bedlam...

I am not sure even were to begin with this. Not sure what was real or not. The night was seven shades of horrible and like nine levels of mythic hell. Perhaps that is a bit dramatic. There were some serious earthquakes. It damaged some of the manor. There were incidents in the mines. And I have a new appreciation for the diversity of sentient beings. I also have a deep dislike for some. The Commodore cornered me to declare he knows. He knows. He seems to corner me at every turn about it now. I suppose I am grateful he has not shouted it from the bloody fecking roof. I have not admitted it to him and done my best not to rise to his prodding.

I know the night happened true. My journal was taken by the Commodore and burned. Thus I don't have very good notes to put here. My dignity was hurt, but not nearly as bad as some think. It was a violation to take a private journal that I have every right to keep. Burning it was the easiest and safest thing to do and I goaded him into it to make sure that everyone's privacy was kept so he would not look through it. I have been fired as a doctor for the first time in my life. That hurt too. Mr. Bright and Mrs. Hester had both agreed to let me ask them questions later to try to understand some of the madness I witnessed. I am not sure I will ask them anything, not till I speak with Lucy. Lucy I trust, even if things were perhaps most dramatically different with her. I suppose that speaks well of my open-mindedness to people's and cultures.

I left that meeting to check on Vanessa and find Inverness. Vanessa's very own guardian angel. She is resting and slept thru all this madness. I tried to check on Dickie after his injuries. I will likely dose him heavily in a couple days with opium if he does not stay down. He has max two days where I will check on him lightly.

With my notes burned, I needed some air. I felt deeply violated and very much unwelcome and unwanted. All those herbal notes and garden plans were also gone. I will recreate what I can, but I need to get outside and look at the garden again to remember it. Lady Blythegarden came to speak with me in private there. I had a mind to stay silent. Her words were ... less harsh. She is here from far away as well, though I still don't really understand her reasons for being here. She thinks Dickie as my elder brother ought to be taking better care of me. Somehow, I doubt he has the capacity... or the maturity. I did gain some insight and understanding about people's differences here. I suppose my understanding of husbandry and births help some. I will deduce for the time being that there is a 1:16 chance of being born with special qualities as have been found in abundance here. I have had myth corrected for me. And I am unfortunately still related to Dickie. I had hoped otherwise. She caught me in a weak moment and I voiced my own anxieties that are lingering. My worry for my parents, my missing the hospital and working in it. She says to not hide behind my silence as it will only slowly kill me. I wish I had stayed behind my silence and never broke it. It is just easier being ignored until I have to handle something medical.

After walking Lady Blythegarden back to the house, I retired to my room dead set on trying to recreate as much of the herbal and medical notes as I can. Those are the most important. I had stood for a good ten minutes in there and packed my bag, considering moving out to an inn in the city or finding a room to board in just... elsewhere. But then I am caught between the things that frighten me or make me uncomfortable here and the people I have come to care about: Vanessa, Lucy, Bradshaw... and even Dr. Forde. Like it was on cue, Mrs. Hester showed up to my room. Good thing I was still dress and burning the midnight oil. She brought bliss in a cup. Tea and a scone were just what I needed to calm. I had been filling paper after paper with herbal notes and mapping out the garden plans... all over again. She was very kind to sit with me. She would make such a wonderful hospital counsellor. She suggested I open an official doctor practice in town. I think she might know my secret. It made me a little concerned. That would make both her and Bradshaw maybe knowing, and the Commodore knowing for certain. Once I have had some sleep and sorted my thots and my notes that I lost, I might take up Mrs. Hester's offer to talk.

I look over the vials of poisonous venom and the antidote I made with the mugwort to save Dickie's life, as well as the three other vials of ... monster substances. I need a better names for those. Hopefully tomorrow I will feel less like I fell into Beldam.

April 9th-15th

Since my incident with Bradshaw... I really hope he has not noticed... Dear gods, why did he hug me? Why is he so nice... I feel like a ridiculous teen having crushes on all the cute boys. So to clear my head, I have left Lubscombe for the week... ALONE.

I headed to Derby. Lord Flemming is buried there. Since he was the seed that sired me, I thought I should at least visit the grave. I sprinkled a bit of powdered mugwort and some dust I filed off the iron nail all around his grave. May he be blessed by whatever he believed in and protected from the dangers of the otherworld.

This time away allowed me to clear my head and squash my crushes. I also had time to contemplate the situation of Lubscombe, the Ashford lack of Will and the meaning of a Barony. I have come to conclude that Barony titles are instated by vote and can be taken away. Basic inheritance of personal savings and income gets passed on. Likely, considering the financial struggles of Lubscombe, Ewan Ashford no longer has anything to pass to Miss Vanessa Ashford. In America, there are no titles as such even though my father retains his title as Lord from his ties with England where he met my mother. If there is no Will, then everything gets passed down or over to wife and children first then the rest of the relatives fight over it. I suppose that is not much different here. People are not fighting over the inheritance so much as they are fighting over the title which can be inherited or secured through marriage. I really hope my father has a Will... and my Mother. In light of all this, I have written my own will and had it notarized here in Derby. I have several copies of it. One is filed here in Derby. One is posted to my family's executor. I have one I am keeping on hand. The other two... once will be given to Vanessa and one to... whoever will not leave her side and thus ensure her safety, Bradshaw or Lucy. I am NOT going to wish this insanity of confusion and chaos on anyone posthumously.

I am now on my way back to Lubscombe. I need to make some amends on my birth father's behalf.... because it is the right thing to do, even if it hurt me and my mother.

April 3rd update

Over the month, Joseph will be doing some very proactive things.

When our deaf mute arrived like a lost soul from New England, he spent most of his time foraging for whatever could be salvaged in winter around the estate to start making medicines. He grew to be friends with Lucy and Vanessa, spending a good deal of time helping around the estate wherever he could.

The funeral was a bit overwhelming. He was mostly ignored. He stuck close to Vanessa as Lucy could not be found and acted much like a chaperone and quiet protector. He observed... a lot. People learned he could read lips and started to take some notice of him and communicate with him. He learned some disturbing things and sided with the investigation that Ewan's death was foul play.
Over the next month, he cultivated his small but growing apothecary and kept an eye on Vanessa. At least until she took a trip to London with the Flemmings ans was debuted. While Vanessa was away and well chaperoned, he spent his time learning the lay of the estate and the land, and learning to ride under Lucy's tutelage. He shared with a few that he was actually a rather learned doctor and apothecaire and actively started looking into matters, needed to find answers. This search also had a deeply personal need for understanding his own heritage here, why his parents sent him. He shared some secrets with just a couple people and found out some answers, tho misunderstood them.

The court hearing with the counsel set so many things in motion, including revealing to everyone that he is not a stupid deaf mute, but a competent and certified doctor and with some relation to the families here (only to be slightly corrected to be Dickie's half brother by an illicit love affair between her mother and Lord Flemming). Very much NOT the answers to his family ties he ever wanted. His growing love for the people at Lubscomb and his care for Vanessa has lent to his offer to be a suitor to Vanessa in order to try to help hold together a family life he has come to feel more attached to than he should. Joseph's silence though hides its own secrets. and having been pinned down by a few people, they have learned bits and pieces. He keeps his secrets very close tho and those who know them are few and trusted, or are people he felt could help solve the mysteries that are abound or could help Vanessa's case.

Since the fiasco of the court hearing, for Joseph cannot call it anything but a horrible fiasco, he has been very proactive. He has stepped up to offer his medical services to the common folks and miners to ease some of Teddy's time to devote better to the investigation. He and Teddy have also met to discuss the murder(s). Teddy searching for the money or paper trail. Joseph, applying all his skills in scholarship to learn what he can to be of better help managing things here to help Vanessa. He still stays close to Vanessa and will often sit as silently and quietly as usual with her, writing in his notebooks. A silent shield for her. Watching what goes on around her and observing wherever he goes. Not so deaf, so he listens. He contemplates. He covertly watches Teddy now and then when no one is looking (hopefully). And on one occasion was called out as a doctor to serve Lady Blyethgarden.

He is around if people want to speak with him and they have the patience to let him write his replies in the notebook he carries for that purpose.

[pending conversation with a miner that I initiated]
[pending conversation with Vanessa that she requested]

Random Notes to Self

Leechcraft
My father was trying to reduce the use of Leechcraft as a means to heal people. Leeches suck blood. You NEED your blood. Leeches are good for dealing with infections and removing bad blood or encouraging a wound that needs to bleed to do so. Using it for every damnable ailment is ridiculous! Have we not entered the 19th century?! Leechcraft was popular in the 15th... FIFTEENTH century. ZOOKS! You would think we progressed since then.

Jasper Williams Mysteries
Vanessa is reading those Jasper Williams Mysteries. They are like Penny Dreadful Horror Tales, only for mysteries. I have read a couple of the ones she has finished. She is very enamored by this crime solving duo of Jasper Williams ("investigator") and his assistant Dr. Theodore Forde (an American doctor from out West). They are entertaining. I am uncertain whether they are fact or fiction. Vanessa swears these men are real and can solve ANY problem. Oh sweet Vanessa.

Pending Funeral
Good thing one of my shirts is black. I can feel the heaviness in the home among the few residents. Lady Eleanor Flemming has been readying the rooms for the funeral and making arrangements. The body of Ewan cannot sit in the snow forever without a proper burial. So why does it nag on me that his death was unnatural? Beyond that fact that he was healthy and fit and young, he should have had no reason to die so suddenly. It just seems... wrong, like something is off. I need answers. Maybe I will be able to find them at the funeral.

Foraging & Healing

Chester is all snowed in everywhere, but there is still lots to explore. I have been here 2 weeks now and have explore the village. I now know where all the shops are. I shouldn't get too lost if I have to get somewhere in a pinch. The grounds of Lubscome proper and the nearby fields, frozen streams and marshways and around the mines have a plethora of stuff naturally growing that I can harvest, even in winter! With the bottles and pouches I got from the cook, I will absolutely have a small apothecry in my bedroom. For no other reason than it makes me happy and comfortable to do so.

I came with smelling salts and camphor, mint herb and essence, rose water, and orange blossom water. They stay in my satchel with a roll of bandage in case I might need them. I left my little mortar and pestle in my bedroom with the jars and pouched. I had salve from balm of gilead, but I gave that to Lucy for the horse that became lame. I will have to craft more... though... that is a LONG process.

Here is what I have found so far:

I came across cattails and wild parsnips. Noting the cattails, but I am not collecting them. They are bitter and really only emergency filler food if you must. The wild parsnips is a great winter find.... except the water and ground are frozen. I have to chip them out. They made a great gift for the cook for more supplies to make salves and whatnot. I needed some oil, grease and beeswax.

There were some milkweed pods, too. Not many, but I will remember their location for spring where I will be able to harvest more. The couple I did get will thaw and be rendered to help with kidney and gall stone problems, also for coughs (which is a likelihood as winter continues in the cold and damp of England).

Among the trees, I found lots of Juniper berries (delicious tea, also great tincture against infection to be used topically), Willow bark (infused as a pain and fever releif), White Pine (not as much as I hoped to find, can be made into tea for coughs and colds or the sap can be used as an anticeptic), Birch (I want to tap if for sap but I have no spigots), Hackberries (tiny berries that are nutty and good food additive, surprised no one was using them as they really are tasty), and hawthorn berries (the leaves are not available at the moment but the berries I can make into medicine for blood pressure problems).

I found both sweet cicely and hemlock. They are almost identical, except the former is good for coughs and ulcers while the latter is toxic.

I also found bush roses with a great many rosehips. I spent the day collecting them and injuring my hands a great deal to do so. But they are better than oranges for healing and boosting the immunity against illnesses. These too I gave some to the cook.  I treated my thorn stabbed frozen fingers and enjoyed a fruity tea of rosehip and juniper berries with a hint of mint.

I also found balm of gilead! There was plenty after foraging through the grounds and even the town. I let people look at me funny while I collected it. Who cares if the deaf mute collects tree bits? That day was one of my happiest. The balm of gilead is now slowly rendering in oil. I will be able to use a weak version in 6 weeks, but better if I can let it sit for 6 months. I suppose the timing of that will really have to depend on what happens next now that Ewan is dead.

Ewan's body has been put in the snow while people search for a Will and try to sort things out and plan a funeral. I have not even been allowed to the frozen body. It just seems... suspicious... how he died. However, the people here do not know me nor trust me to be of any use. I understand. They want his body treated with the uttmost respect. This is where my persona ruse has hindered my ability to help.

A date has been set. The funeral will be February 24th.

Vanessa, Lucy & the Horses

Ewan Ashford's death was a shock... for everyone here.

I REALLY got ignored after that. I was new, the guest, and so very not allowed to see his body. I really wanted to see it because he was young and healthy and seemed to have now reason for up and dying all of a sudden. The family shut me out.

Just when I thought I wanted to reveal myself to him... but he has died, and with no Will and no Heir, unless you count the adopted Vanessa. Suddenly my safety and provisions became very.... uncertain. I dare not reveal myself now.

Vanessa is a young girl, so very much younger in her head. My mother would say she was "delayed" or "full of fluff" or both. She seems like a child of 10 when she is nearly twice that physically. Sweet, though. So very very sweet and caring, but she really needs to be cared for. I find myself thinking of her as a little sister that is childlike in her head and unable to grow up. I will do my best to keep watch and keep her safe. Someone has to.

Vanessa can read, thankfully, and so I have started to write notes to her in my little notebook I carry with me so I can communicate. She was the first who actually took real note of me. I must have looked more lost than I expected. I had meant to be the one looking out for her and found her looking out for me. She toured me all over the estate, telling me about this and that and the people. She even remembers to look at me and make sure I am looking at her (because I am deaf and need to see her face and lips to understand). By God, she is adorable. I can see why Ewan (Do I have any right to call him by his first name, even though he asked me to?) took her in as his ward and then adopted her.

Having been shown about, I met the butler (Bradshaw). He of course can read. He seems serious and dedicated and the most shaken by the loss of Ewan. They must have been close and known each other a long time. He has been patient with me, and he deeply respects Ewan's choices. He seems determined to make sure no one ruins what Ewan has set into place so far or the promises Ewan has made. I met the cook, Marigold. ZOOKS! She can be a frightening woman! Delicious food but her kitchen is HERS and she is a terror to anyone who disturbs even a crumb! I appeased her by finding some winter herbs and traded them for a collection of old empty bottles, muslin pouches, and string. I think I will start to build a little mini apothecary in my room. I also met Jaime. She is the maid? A Scottish woman who is so much like a stereotypical story Gypsy that I almost laughed out loud. Being the ignored and quiet observer, I has noticed her clepto-habit. She doesn't seem to steal with any selfishness or maliciousness. When discovered, she seems genuinely surprised and returns everything.

I almost want to say that Ewan was a Collector of Broken Things (namely people), myself included.

In bare passing over this first week, I have also met Benjamin Whipple (the foreman of the mines and the man who handles many of the repairs of the estate, I think), Eleanor Flemming (Ewan's aunt), Dickie (Lady Flemmings son... I am not quite sure what his problem is but something is seriously "off" in his head, like he had been dropped, far too many times), Lady Theodosia Blythegarden and her maid Emmaline (both widows and recently moved here and are being the most helpful and supportive, often keeping a better eye on Vanessa than even I can).

I saved the best for last. Lucy.

Lucy is the daughter of the stable master. Since he had died, she was kept on as the new stable master in her father's place. A woman... as stable master... in a position of power in a usual man's profession. This gives me great hope. And really, she has been the most amazing with me. Attentive to my deaf/mute condition, reading my notes with care and watching out for my wellbeing both physical and emotional. She has such a strong spirit and a huge caring heart. If she were a man, I would be so very much in love. I have spent the most time with her. Just sitting in the peace of the stable with the horses. I had never ridden one before, just taken in cart with my (step)father for medical errands. When there is nothing to do, this is where I come. Sometimes I forage outside. I will write about that soon. Sometimes I just come and pet the horses and help Lucy care for them. She is teaching me all about their basic care. I can now even saddle one myself. I noticed her concern over one that had become lame, having pulled a muscle running in the snow. I had brought with me an ointment of balm of gilead. It is good for such things. I can make more, I foraged quite a lot this week. It will just take time for that to be ready. I think Lucy has figured out my talent with medicines and doctoring. I am not sure if I should confirm it to her or not. Or reveal anything else about myself to her. I will wait it out and be sure before I take such risks. She is so kind. I almost want to bury myself in her shoulder for my loneliness. I bury my loneliness in the shoulders of the horses instead.

Lucy has agreed to teach me to ride. This skill will not happen overnight...

Lord Ewan Ashford

When I arrived at Lubscome, I had to admit that I was bloody fucking grateful to be off the boat. At first I thought to reveal myself and walk again in a skirt, but I was in a strange land, heading to a strange home. My letter to Lord James Ashford introduced me as a boy. I do have a second letter to clarifies things, but... men have more freedom. Women are not allowed to be doctors, herbalists and apothecaires only, midwives, and only under license of a licensed doctor. Things are a little different in America. I studied and apprenticed. The master of the apprenticeship can finalize the certification. Technically, that only allows women to be nurses or assisting doctors. I have my apothecaire license and my physician's license because my father believes in me. Yes, I have those with me if I must. He even signed them for my male persona. Why? So if I really have to, I can practice independently if I maintain the persona man. Just in case I am not accepted by the Ashfords.

This is a large estate overlooking a small town and collection of farms and mines. The estate was surprisingly managed by an extremely minimalist or skeleton crew as the sailors would have called it. A sign of hard times. Perhaps I should not have come. But, I am desperate for answers. My father is not my true father, a step or adoptive father. My mother assures me that I am related somehow to James Ashford, but she did not say how. When I came to the estate, I discovered that Lord James Ashford had already died... in some mining accident three years ago. His son of 23 years is now the Lord of the Barony. Ewan Ashford.

With things suddenly more precarious, I have stuffed my spare letters and anything that reveals me as a woman into my mother's box. This box hold bizarre (and I do mean bizarre) clues and proofs of my relation to the family, but they make no sense at all. I feel like I need a manual of instruction to explain them and yet I lack that. Anyhow, my other letter and my certification to Josephine are now in that box as well.

I proffered my father's letter to Lord Ewan Ashford, keeping my ruse of the deaf-mute young man. This way I do not interfere as it's easier if I am ignored for now. He asked me to call him Ewan, so informal and friendly. He took the perfect patience to ensure i understood (for someone deaf-mute). He accepted me with so much compassion in nearly broke my own heart. I was shocked that he was not as of yet married. How easy it would be to fall in love with such a kind soul. He lead me to my room, a room that was ample for many of the rooms were empty, and gave me freedom to go about as I pleased. Even made sure I had a pile of books and pencils so I can communicate with people and not worry of running out.

Two days here and already I was falling in love with him.
I decided to let him know who I truly am........

........ except he was dead, in his library, found by the maid Jamie.

Forced Exile

Date: 27th of November 1819

Despite my father, John Clelland, and my mother, Mary, being reputable in their role as doctor and apothecaire respectively, our estate is in danger of the rioting happening all over the New England. I wanted to stay and help, wanted to be with my family. However, my father was firm that I leave to a safer place. My mother insisted I had some relative, a Baron Ewan Ashford, who would take me in and protect me from the chaos happening here in the Colonies.

I was allowed to dress smartly but simply, not as my station but not poorly. "Try to be kind and invisible," mother advised. They permitted me one bag of belongings. So I have but one change of clothes, linens for bandages, a small collection of herbals and medicines, a locked box my mother insisted I take with me, and some blank notebooks I can use as a journal like this one and a means to communicate with those around me.

I boarded a ship to England today. Winter is hitting hard and the ship wants to leave before it gets too cold and rough. I will miss Christmas with my parents. I pray they will be alright and I will see them again in the future. I wonder what this Baron Ewan Ashford will be like.